Two Bits Of Unintentional Comedy

Here are two bits of unintentional comedy from two rather different sources.

The first is from Senator John Ensign(R-Nevada), responding to an on-line anti-cluster bomb petition I signed last week.

If you've never received an on-line nor snail-mail form reply letter from your Represenative or Senator, this should give you some idea of the kind of carefully-crafted(usually by some aide or another in said Rep's or Senator's office), oh-so-careful-not-to-alienate-any-potential-voters, weasel language that comes in these messages.
Its text follows immediately below.






This is an official communication from the Office of Senator John Ensign. Any tampering or alteration of this communication is prohibited and may result in criminal investigation or prosecution.



July 17, 2007







Mr. Donald Rilea

457 N. Lamb Unit F

Las Vegas, Nevada 89110-3376



Dear Mr. Rilea:



Thank you for contacting me regarding S. 594, the Cluster Munitions Civilian Protection Act of 2007. I appreciate your taking the time to share your thoughts with me, and I value the opportunity to address them.



The United States is currently pursuing a cluster bomb policy that adheres to the Convention on Conventional Weapons framework and strives towards balancing the humanitarian risks associated with the weapons while retaining the protections they afford our troops. Our policy includes deploying cluster munitions that self destruct after firing and allocating resources to detecting and removing non-detonated ordnances whenever possible.



I believe that cluster bombs provide an important capability to our armed forces and allies. They allow our military to engage various types of targets simultaneously while reducing the exposure of friendly forces to enemy fire. It is important to note that cluster munitions cause less collateral damage than other commonly used munitions. The most obvious examples of instances where cluster munitions were successfully deployed were against the Taliban after September 11, and by Israel during its conflict in Lebanon through the fall of 2006. These weapons helped eliminate terrorists while ensuring the security and safety of our troops and allies. The cluster bomb legislation you support would so severely restrict the use of any cluster munitions as to remove this necessary weapon from our arsenal, thereby increasing the probability of U.S. and allied casualties. Current U.S. policy is sound, and I support it.



Through my work as a member of the Senate Armed Service Committee and as Ranking Member of its Subcommittee on Readiness and Management Support, I will continue to do all I can to ensure that our troops and the American people are provided the best possible protection. I will be sure to keep your concerns, and the concerns of all Nevadans, in mind. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me. If you should have further questions or comments or would like to share your thoughts on another matter, please feel free to write or e-mail me via my website at http://ensign.senate.gov.



Sincerely,



JOHN ENSIGN

United States Senator



JE/RT





Your thoughts and opinions are important. Unfortunately, any replies to this e-mail will not be received and processed. If you want to contact Senator Ensign electronically again please visit:



http://ensign.senate.gov/forms/email_form.cfm



We respect your online time and privacy. If you have any questions about our online privacy statement, please visit Senator Ensign's website http://ensign.senate.gov/ and read our privacy policy at the bottom of the page.




The second comes from a MySpace bulletin posted at 7:04 PM this evening by a MySpace friend of mine who saw an interview with an "anti-terrorism" expert on MSNBC this afternoon.

The comedy, such as it is, comes not from the description this friend provides of this expert, and what the fella was saying, but from the very assertions that the expert himself made.
Text is right below this.









From: Stanley Gallon



Date: Jul 17, 2007 7:04 PM
Subject: Myspacers and facebookers are potential terrorist threats?
Body: Today I was watching msnbc when a so called, "terrorism analyst" came on to discuss the new growing threat of non muslim terrorism in the United States. Among those he refered to as terrorists were environmentalists, liberal special interest groups and worst of all those who are dissatisfied with the current state of our government.

What was really interesting was when he said that the way to identify who the "potential terrorists" among us are is that the are most likely people "networking on myspace." He said these agitators and activists are gathering together to engage in terrorist acts.

He then went on to say that families should be looking to see what their children, brothers, sisters, husbands and/or wives are doing on myspace and facebook, and report any suspicious behavior to police or the Department of Homeland Security.

As unbeleiveable as this may sound it is true. If anyone has the ability to pull and post the video of the interview of this MSNBC terror analyst it aired on MSNBC sometime between 3:30 pm and 5:30pm on Tuesday July 17, 2007.

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The expert's analysis of who potential American terrorists might be is rather a slanted one, as it leaves out anti-abortion radicals, remnants of the various groups comprising the old militia movement of the '90's, Neo-Nazis and other radical racist groups, radical Christian, Jewish and Muslim fundamentalists, and so on and so forth.

From the interview's description, sounds like the expert had a rather obvious political agenda to push, and he did, all the way.

When so-called "experts" pull tricks like that, it's time to wonder just what their qualifications are, where and how they got 'em, and why ANYONE in their right mind would take them even remotely seriously.

Some people's children.... should never be allowed out of the house, ever.

Be seeing you.

Two Bits of Everyday Weirdness and A Pair of Announcements

This morning, 'round 10:30 or so, was layin' in bed, petting Annabelle Lee, when the phone rang.

The caller, who sounded like a male in his 20's or 30's, asked me if a "Kerwin D. Frog" was there.

My response: "Kerwin D. Frog???"

Caller: "Kerwin D. Frog."

I informed him that there was no Kerwin D. Frog here, and the conversation came to an abrupt end.

Don't know if it was a joke, a wrong number, or what have you, but it was certainly a strange way to start the day.

When I first got on MySpace, a little while after that, saw a notice that I had some friend requests waiting for me.

Well, recently, most of these requests have been from spammers using names and pictures of pretty girls, and, well, you get the idea.

So, I went over to the Friend Requests page to see what they were, and found three of them. The exception to this general rule was that all three's profiles had been deleted!!!

Laughed my head off, and denied the now non-existent MySpace friends.

So, there you have 'em. Two bits of everyday weirdness. Nothing spectacular, but that's probably just as well, as most bits of weirdness really aren't all that spectacular anyway.

Now, for the announcements, which follow below.






Join Local Poets for an Evening of Readings on July 20

Some of Las Vegas' most talented poets as well as open mic
participants gather for an evening of readings at the West Las
Vegas Arts Center's Poets' Corner on Friday, July 20. Keith
Brantley hosts the event, which begins at 7:30 p.m. and is open
to the public. Admission is free.

The arts center, located at 947 West Lake Mead Boulevard, is
operated by the Arts & Community Events Division of the city of
Las Vegas Department of Leisure Services. In addition to the
Poets' Corner, which is held the third Friday of every month,
the center is the site of numerous culturally-focused
activities, from films to special events.

Classes in African arts, dance, music and more are available
for both children and adults.
Coming August 2 and 4 is the final musical production by the
participants in the arts center's annual Performing and Visual
Arts Camp for Kids. Boys and girls learn character-building
skills through an integrated arts program, which culminates in a
multi-faceted production. This year's presentation, "Generation
Next.Pulse, Passion and Power" will be held on Thursday, August
2, at the House of Blues and Thursday, August 4, at the West Las
Vegas Library Theater. It is cosponsored by the Las Vegas-Clark
County Library District and admission is free.

Call (702) 229-4800 for information about these and all West
Las Vegas Arts Center's programs.



Also, MoveOn. org's Las Vegas chapter is having a counter-filibuster demo at the Lloyd.D George Federal Courthouse in down-town Vegas, starting at 5:00 PM this evening.

This demo is aimed at protesting and stopping the proposed Republican filibuster of a Senate bill aimed at mandating a timetable for the withdrawal of US troops from Iraq.

So, if you can, come on down, and bring your digital still or video cameras, or your analog ones, if you still use those, and, most importantly, yourselves.

For those of you outside Las Vegas, please go to MoveOn.org, and find out where and when the counter-filibuster nearest you is taking place.

Be seeing you.

Some More Rude Bits

Got a comment to my re-post of "Some Rude Bits About Harry Potter" here, and it made me laugh enough to re-post it, along with a following extended extrapolation from there below it, on MySpace. Well, here's the comment, along with the extrapolation, re-re-posted here.

Talk about your vicious circles, eh???? Hope you like 'em.

Re-posted "Some Rude Bits About Harry Potter" on my other blog at http://afistfulofteeth.blogspot.com/, and got this response to it.

Made me laugh my head off, so, I thought I'd re-post it here for you to see, with, below the comment's text, a few more jokes of my own.

So, cry havoc, and let slip the Dogs of Humour!!!!



Anonymous said...

In the next Harry Potter book, Harry battles the blind, deaf, dumb, paraplegic Sheikh Omar ul-Hawaqq, and his band of radical, though slightly simple and bumbling Islamic extremists, as they try to cast a demonic spell on the Thames, turning the half of Britain's water supply into canary guano.


Film on BSkyB at 11.



And now, BSkyB will explode. After that, my head will explode(Donald's head duly and immediately explodes after the announcement's made, as Amigo and Annabelle Lee look on in fear and dis-belief)

Amigo: Oh, no!!!! Mama's head blew all up!!!! Now, what are we going to do???

Annabelle Lee: How do I know, Arse-Sniffer???!!!! Hey, what's that smell???

Amigo(walking over and sniffing through the various bits and bobs that remain of Donald's shattered skull)I dunno, but...(stops, takes one of the bits of Donald's brain lying on the floor into his mouth, and starts chewing it)... it's delicious(Amigo immediately starts searching for more, while Annabelle trots over and starts hunting for brains herself)!!!

(Annabelle Lee finds a bit, and starts chewing, while continuing to cast a practised eye around the floor for more)

Annabelle Lee(whilst chewing)Yeah, but not many of 'em, though.

New Announcer: And now, this entire bit will exp-(New Announcer's cut off by a pompous British Army colonel interrupting him)

Colonel: Stop it, stop it, stop it!!!! This is all too silly, not to mention grotesque, and not at all suitable for Family Viewing!!! This is the sort of so-called "entertainment" that right-minded, decent people like myself will no longer stand for in this count-(the Colonel then disappears in an extremely large and loud explosion of his own).

(We next hear the sound of New Announcer coughing, then clearing his throat)

New Announcer: And next in this post, the sound of Rupert Murdoch having a rabid wolverine stuffed down his trousers.

Rupert Murdoch: Now, look here, you Yankee bas-(sound of a rabidly hissing, growling and altogether ill-tempered wolverine being forcibly stuffed down Murdoch's trousers, followed by a bit of screaming by the Australian media tycoon, a short, sudden gasp from him as he expires, and a thud as he hits the floor)

New Announcer: And now, here is the sound of my being hit over the head with a large mackerel by a fellow in a suit of armour(we then hear the clanking approach of said fellow, a sort of dull Smack!!!, followed by a stricken "Oh!!" from the New Announcer, and the sound of him hitting the floor)

(We then hear an Anglican prelate intoning the following)

Prelate: Here Endeth The Lesson.

Boys' Chorus: Ahhhh-meeee-nnnn.

(This is followed by the sounds of two large explosions, then, after four beats of dead silence, followed by the sounds of someone chewing on a large carrot. It is Bugs Bunny)

Bugs Bunny: Ain't I a stinker????

(cue "The Merry-Round Broke Down(Looney Tunes' closing musice), as Porky Pig says, "Duh-dee-duh-dee-dee-That's All, Folks!!!". We hear the last chords of "The Merry Round Broke Down", and we are out. The End.)

Some Rude Bits About Harry Potter

After all the intense, serious stuff have posted here recently, it's time for a joke or two, just so you and I don't all start feeling lower than the bottoms of our shoes.

So, reposted from my MySpace blog, yet again, comes the following set of routines. Hope you like 'em.

As some of you in this section of MySpace may have noticed in the past few days, there's been a explosion of Harry Potter mania in these parts.

This, of course, provoked a slight counter-reaction by one of my MySpace friends, who, in a bulletin last night, asked if Hecan Blowme was a minor Harry Potter character.

When I saw the bulletin this afternoon, I gave him this reply, which has been expanded here for my pleasure, by incorporating a few old Monty Python routines. And now, onto the jokes.



Hecan Blowme was a minor Harry Potter character only in the Irish Gaelic version of the HP books. There, he's the unfortunate world-weary janitor of Hogwarts who is killed in a tragic accident involving a jar of whisky, industrial-strength floor cleaning chemicals, the Provisional Irish Republican Army, a goat, and one of Dumbledore's incantations gone horribly wrong.

This results in Tony Blair being turned into a giant cockroach named Franz Kafka that is shot dead outside of 10 Downing Street by the SAS and the Orkin Man.

And, there was much rejoicing. Yaaaay!!!!

And now, on BBC One, the Sound of John Denver Being Strangled.

John Denver(singing to the tune of "You Fill Up My Senses"): You came on my piillow!!!!-Harkkk!!!! Hackkk!!! Fronkkk!!!

(dead silence for two beats)

Announcer: Thank you. And now, BBC Two, CBC 2, and PBS will explode(this is immediately followed by the sounds of three consecutive, enormous explosions, then the sounds of crumbling bricks falling, wooden furniture crashing, and glass breaking, followed by dead silence, and, this time, no bloody announcer's voice).

Here Endeth The Lesson.

Be seeing you.

Some Comments From A Friend On Eneagrams

A friend of mine posted a previous version of this comment to the entry below this last night.

However, he sent me this one, via e-mail, with some corrections for typos and the like, to be posted here, and requested, in a phone conversation we had last night,
that I post this version here.

So, that's what you're gonna see.

There's a link at the bottom of this message to the Eneagram Institute, so, if you're interested in this topic,

you can go there and check it out for yourselves.

Also, want to thank my therapist, my loving sister Beth, and Mr. Tangredi for their kind comments and insights sent, either via e-mail,
or posted here.

Am glad to be proven wrong, for which I thank you all.

Be seeing you.


Don - as you've known for a long time, I am a big proponent of
something called the
Enneagram.  Although I am not autistic and don't have the same
set of psychological
conditions you might be experiencing, I swear by this particular
bit of what some might
(derisively) call "pop psychology".  (Others, if they take the
time to investigate it,
will find that the Enneagram has deep historical roots, going
back to the Kabbalah, the
ancient Greeks, the Sufi Muslims, the Jesuits, as well as more
contemporary thinkers like
Oscar Ichazo and G.I. Gurdjieff.)

I have to say that learning the Enneagram (it is not so much a
philosophy as a dynamic
system of understanding the human psyche), has really changed
the way I interrelate with
people, on a deep level.   (And also on a superficial,
day-to-day, practical level.)

I was introduced to the Enneagram in 1991, in Senator Harry
Reid's office in Washington,
by his then-Office Manager, an Alabama native named Lena Smith. 
I discussed my innermost struggles with having left a budding
medical career (which I had undertaken to please my physician
father, and not out of great personal intellectual interest), to
follow what was really my first love -- politics and public
policy.   She instantly intuited what I was trying to explain,
and handed me a book called, simply, "Personality Types" by one
Don Richard Riso.

The rest, for me, was history.  And a very positive history, I
might add, in terms of
understanding not just myself, but others.  And relating much
more knowledgeably and
confidently to other human beings.   The more, and the deeper, I
studied the Enneagram,
the more these profound revelations about human nature
penetrated my mind.  And they
remain there still.

"Personality Types" was but the first book written by Riso (a
former Jesuit and perhaps
the world's foremost contemporary Enneagram expert).  He's now
written several more books, along with Russ Hudson.   Together,
they run the Enneagram Institute in the Bay Area.) Each book has
unlocked more profound revelations and has deepened my
understanding of human nature.

I'm a lawyer now, but in medical school, in the late 80's, I
excelled in BEHAVIORAL
SCIENCE, which was their term for all things psychological.   On
the National Board of
Medical Examiners basic sciences exam, I received the highest
possible score in Behavioral Science -- and that was BEFORE I
was introduced to the Enneagram.

But it was only AFTER I was introduced to the Enneagram that
everything about human
psychology REALLY started to make sense.  Everything I learned
from the Enneagram meshed perfectly with everything I knew about
Behavioral Science, yet the Enneagram took that several levels
further.

Moreover, all of it meshed perfectly with everything I had
learned in med school about the
structure of the human brain, human neuroanatomy and
neurophysiology.

I felt like a light of true understanding had descended upon me.

Again, the Enneagram is not a pop philosophy or pop psychology,
but a true, practical, and
revelatory dynamic system for understanding the human mind, and
the differences between
people.   It is profoundly, undeniably rooted in the realities
of biology and neurology.
Yet is it as practical as knowing how to drive a car, or
dressing oneself.   And the more
you read, and the deeper you understand this DYNAMIC SYSTEM, the
more you should be able to understand yourself (and your own
mind), and other people (and their motivations). You will not
only be able to understand and predict other people's behavior
to an uncanny degree, you'll also be able to truly forgive them
when their behavior deviates from your expectations, or your
wants.

I strongly recommend exploration of the Enneagram.

www.enneagraminstitute.com

--Joe Tangredi

Some More Thoughts

Yep, another MySpace blog re-post, this one done just a few minutes ago there.

While no one's yet asked me this question, why do I compose and post blog entries there, and re-post 'em here, and not the other way 'round, if not making original posts exclusively for one location or another, I want to head that off by giving ya the answer now.

There are some MySpace friends of mine whose opinions and friendship I respect and esteem whom, I hope, will see these pieces and comment on 'em.

So, I post there first, then take what I consider to be the best, most personal posts, and stick 'em here for those who aren't on MySpace to see and judge for themselves.

That said, let's get to the heart of the matter, shall we, and it lies just below this last sentence. Hope you find it of interest.

Just received a response from my therapist about my recent blog posts, here and on my other blog.

She generally enjoyed them, and felt that there were signs of "growth and maturity" in them, though she also felt that the last post, the one just below this here, had an "everything is about me" quality to it that annoyed her somewhat.

Well, I have to say that she's right about that quality being in that particular post, and I can whine with the worst of 'em, when I want.

Especially, when I'm feeling very frustrated, as I was at the time I posted the thing.

That said, it brings up another point I thought about, but neglected to state in that last essay, and that's, as she pointed out with events in her own life, that people have their own joys, problems, crises, whatever, to deal with, off- and on-line, and that, while there are times that I mayn't like it, they take ample precedence over reading or viewing someone else's essays, photos, etc, etc, and this goes for me, as much as anyone else.

That is, however basic, a natural fact of living, and there's no getting around it.

I can find it to be very frustrating at times, but that feeling's something I have to acknowledge, and deal with as best I can without going all aggro on other people, whether on- or off-line.

To be honest, it's one of the more unpleasant aspects of my personality, and I know it.

But, part of the risk of the new direction I'm taking in writing about myself, my life, feelings and all that, is revealing, however slightly, at least some of those aspects.

Not everything is, or can be, to everyone's tastes, nor should they be.

The same goes for people, and aspects of their personalities, public and private.

I can be a very acquired taste, and not always a pleasant one in the mouths of some people.

That is their right, just as it's yours, mine, and everyone else's.

One of the reasons I dis-like Jackie Chan's film persona as intensely as I do(I know nothing about the gentleman off-screen, and have to hand it to him for doing the incredible stunts he does on-screen), is because his characters are generally horribly over-played, "nice" guys, designed to win as much sympathy as possible from film audiences.

That's part of the film business, in Hong Kong, Hollywood, and elsewhere in the world. The main characters MUST be likable, or, if not initially likable, become so to the audience, at least in most commercial feature films made 'round the world.

So, this means finding writers, directors, editors, and, especially, acting talent who have the abilities to make and convey, through script, direction, editing, and the actor's physical attributes, vocal abilities, facial expressions and dialogue, that likability, or at least those qualities of likability that the film-makers, the producers and studios behind them, audiences, and the cultures that spawn them think are likable.

The problem with that is that, unlike in real life, where people are often complex, ornery critters, who can be alternately charming, funny, sweet, heroic, likable souls at at least some points in their lives, grouchy, self-pitying, griping, miserable sad sacks of wet shit at others, and can occupy various points in between and sideways of those extremes at still others, film characters are, depending on the sort of film, and the skills of those involved in their creation, often two-dimensional images of what a given culture considers to be good, bad, heroic, villainous, comic, or tragic at a given point in time.

That's fine, and there are, and have been, some fine exceptions to this general rule.

But, they are exceptions, nevertheless.

I don't particularly care for, though, depending on the story and the skill with which it's told, can get wrapped up in, the kind of film characters and stories described above.

People, in my general experience, don't entirely work that way, for reasons I've stated above.

Each and every man- and woman- Jack and Jill of 'em, even the worst of 'em, have days, or at least moments, where they can be whatever qualities that personal choices and circumstances allow them to display.

Some display personal qualities that a given culture or sub-culture considers desirable more often than others, and some display quite the opposite qualities more often than others, too.

It's a blatantly obvious fact, yes, but, sometimes, even the most blatantly obvious facts need stating and re-stating from time to time, because some people and cultures can, if not reminded, forget them in the daily rounds of doing whatever bits of business that they do.

As for Chan's characters and myself, well, I guess I've stated, perhaps over-stated my reasons for disliking 'em.

It just seems to me, though, that no one, and given the number of cops and other authority figures that Chan's played over three decades now, can always be as damned nice and apologetic as his are, and that very unreality, of character and performance, just irritates me to High Heaven.

That, like every form of criticism, probably says more about me, and not necessarily for the better, than it does about Chan and his screen personae.

I can be very cynical, and I think often ignorantly so. I can be bitter, frustrated, or whatever negative personal quality of which one could conceive, on any given day, depending on my mood and circumstances at the time.

I can also embody quite the opposite qualities, or a mixture of both, also depending on time, mood and personal circumstances, in which I'm encountered, like anyone else.

I can only hope that, in my postings here and elsewhere, that I can be as honest with you all about as many of those various qualities of my soul as I can, and to minimise, both on- and off-line, my negative aspects, without trying to hide, or otherwise be dis-honest about 'em.

No one is all saint or devil, though there are folks who try their damnedest to embody one or the other, for reasons of their own.

Those are their choices, as is their right.

As for me, all I can hope to be is who and what I am.

In closing, just wanna say that, while am going forward with this new, more personal direction of blogging, I don't want to get exclusively into the kind of self-involved, navel-gazing sort of blogging that some people can.

I am more confident, especially after these relatively few and recent turns at it, about how well I can write about myself, my life, feelings and all the rest of that, and that's fine.

On the other hand, especially when it descends into the "poor me" school of writing, which I can do at my worst, it does a great dis-service to whomever reads that kind of post, and to the author him- or herself, because it neither enlightens the reader about a particular subject, but subjects him or her to tales of woe-is-me ad nauseum, and, by over-indulging the author's penchant for a particular kind of self-pitying narrative, can cause the author to fall into a mental trap, in which he or she is always the heroic, or down-trodden, little victim, whose woes are never, ever, even for a New York second, partially of their own making.

Sometimes, I can, and, if I allow myself to, will fall into that intellectual tiger trap.

That's going to take a bit of tough-minded intellectual and emotional rigour to avoid as much as I can.

But, it's also part of the obligation of writing for an audience, no matter how small, and it's one I hope to generally up-hold to you out there.

Just also want to say a very heart-felt thank you to those of you out there who've responded to my blog posts, both here and at my Blogspot one, and especially to those of you who've responded to my most recent and personal posts.

Thank you for your comments and responses to them, and for taking the time out of your lives to do just that.

Even if it seems I don't always appreciate them, I do, especially because you DIDN'T have to do that.

You did it, because you WANTED to, and that means a lot to me.

Again, thank you very much.

Be seeing you.