22 October 2007

How To Piss People Off(Re-Post)

My MySpace friend Rock Angel re-posted this in a bulletin she sent out earlier this morning, and now, I re-post it here for your perusal and possible amusement.

These methods seem better to me than the one used by the early 20th Century German philosopher Oswald Spengler(author of Decline Of The West), who once displayed a Nazi flag outside of his residence, and was quoted as saying that the reason he did was to annoy people.

Mind you, Spengler, while a devout pessimist who has been cited as being a major philosophical influence on Nazi ideology, was himself never a member of the Nazi Party, and his attitude towards them, from what little I can remember about it, was far from supportive of them.

Fortunately for him, Spengler didn't live long enough to see the Nazis take power, let alone wreak the havoc they did.

Anyway, enough blather about Oswald bloody Spengler.

Here are the gags.

Enjoy and be seeing you.

----------------- Bulletin Message -----------------
From: Rock Angel
Date: Oct 22, 2007 5:06 AM

1. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO."
4. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
5. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
6. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
7. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
8. Practice making fax and modem noises.
9. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss.
10. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
11. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy."
12. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing.
13. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
14. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
15. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
16. Staple pages in the middle of the page.
17. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise.
18. Honk and wave to strangers.
19. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register.
21. type only in lowercase.
22. dont use any punctuation either
23. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
24. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times.
"Never mind, it's gone now."
25. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
26. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
27. Ask people what gender they are.
28. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
29. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
30. Sing along at the opera.
31. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
32. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

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