16 July 2007

Some More Rude Bits

Got a comment to my re-post of "Some Rude Bits About Harry Potter" here, and it made me laugh enough to re-post it, along with a following extended extrapolation from there below it, on MySpace. Well, here's the comment, along with the extrapolation, re-re-posted here.

Talk about your vicious circles, eh???? Hope you like 'em.

Re-posted "Some Rude Bits About Harry Potter" on my other blog at http://afistfulofteeth.blogspot.com/, and got this response to it.

Made me laugh my head off, so, I thought I'd re-post it here for you to see, with, below the comment's text, a few more jokes of my own.

So, cry havoc, and let slip the Dogs of Humour!!!!

Anonymous said...

In the next Harry Potter book, Harry battles the blind, deaf, dumb, paraplegic Sheikh Omar ul-Hawaqq, and his band of radical, though slightly simple and bumbling Islamic extremists, as they try to cast a demonic spell on the Thames, turning the half of Britain's water supply into canary guano.

Film on BSkyB at 11.

And now, BSkyB will explode. After that, my head will explode(Donald's head duly and immediately explodes after the announcement's made, as Amigo and Annabelle Lee look on in fear and dis-belief)

Amigo: Oh, no!!!! Mama's head blew all up!!!! Now, what are we going to do???

Annabelle Lee: How do I know, Arse-Sniffer???!!!! Hey, what's that smell???

Amigo(walking over and sniffing through the various bits and bobs that remain of Donald's shattered skull)I dunno, but...(stops, takes one of the bits of Donald's brain lying on the floor into his mouth, and starts chewing it)... it's delicious(Amigo immediately starts searching for more, while Annabelle trots over and starts hunting for brains herself)!!!

(Annabelle Lee finds a bit, and starts chewing, while continuing to cast a practised eye around the floor for more)

Annabelle Lee(whilst chewing)Yeah, but not many of 'em, though.

New Announcer: And now, this entire bit will exp-(New Announcer's cut off by a pompous British Army colonel interrupting him)

Colonel: Stop it, stop it, stop it!!!! This is all too silly, not to mention grotesque, and not at all suitable for Family Viewing!!! This is the sort of so-called "entertainment" that right-minded, decent people like myself will no longer stand for in this count-(the Colonel then disappears in an extremely large and loud explosion of his own).

(We next hear the sound of New Announcer coughing, then clearing his throat)

New Announcer: And next in this post, the sound of Rupert Murdoch having a rabid wolverine stuffed down his trousers.

Rupert Murdoch: Now, look here, you Yankee bas-(sound of a rabidly hissing, growling and altogether ill-tempered wolverine being forcibly stuffed down Murdoch's trousers, followed by a bit of screaming by the Australian media tycoon, a short, sudden gasp from him as he expires, and a thud as he hits the floor)

New Announcer: And now, here is the sound of my being hit over the head with a large mackerel by a fellow in a suit of armour(we then hear the clanking approach of said fellow, a sort of dull Smack!!!, followed by a stricken "Oh!!" from the New Announcer, and the sound of him hitting the floor)

(We then hear an Anglican prelate intoning the following)

Prelate: Here Endeth The Lesson.

Boys' Chorus: Ahhhh-meeee-nnnn.

(This is followed by the sounds of two large explosions, then, after four beats of dead silence, followed by the sounds of someone chewing on a large carrot. It is Bugs Bunny)

Bugs Bunny: Ain't I a stinker????

(cue "The Merry-Round Broke Down(Looney Tunes' closing musice), as Porky Pig says, "Duh-dee-duh-dee-dee-That's All, Folks!!!". We hear the last chords of "The Merry Round Broke Down", and we are out. The End.)

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