15 July 2007

Some Rude Bits About Harry Potter

After all the intense, serious stuff have posted here recently, it's time for a joke or two, just so you and I don't all start feeling lower than the bottoms of our shoes.

So, reposted from my MySpace blog, yet again, comes the following set of routines. Hope you like 'em.

As some of you in this section of MySpace may have noticed in the past few days, there's been a explosion of Harry Potter mania in these parts.

This, of course, provoked a slight counter-reaction by one of my MySpace friends, who, in a bulletin last night, asked if Hecan Blowme was a minor Harry Potter character.

When I saw the bulletin this afternoon, I gave him this reply, which has been expanded here for my pleasure, by incorporating a few old Monty Python routines. And now, onto the jokes.

Hecan Blowme was a minor Harry Potter character only in the Irish Gaelic version of the HP books. There, he's the unfortunate world-weary janitor of Hogwarts who is killed in a tragic accident involving a jar of whisky, industrial-strength floor cleaning chemicals, the Provisional Irish Republican Army, a goat, and one of Dumbledore's incantations gone horribly wrong.

This results in Tony Blair being turned into a giant cockroach named Franz Kafka that is shot dead outside of 10 Downing Street by the SAS and the Orkin Man.

And, there was much rejoicing. Yaaaay!!!!

And now, on BBC One, the Sound of John Denver Being Strangled.

John Denver(singing to the tune of "You Fill Up My Senses"): You came on my piillow!!!!-Harkkk!!!! Hackkk!!! Fronkkk!!!

(dead silence for two beats)

Announcer: Thank you. And now, BBC Two, CBC 2, and PBS will explode(this is immediately followed by the sounds of three consecutive, enormous explosions, then the sounds of crumbling bricks falling, wooden furniture crashing, and glass breaking, followed by dead silence, and, this time, no bloody announcer's voice).

Here Endeth The Lesson.

Be seeing you.


Anonymous said...

The only HP movie I ever "saw" was the first one. I am embarrassed to say that I slept through approximately 4/5 of the movie. Yes, I found it incredibly juvenile, as did my then girlfriend, who thought the same (only she actually stayed up for the whole thing.) I remember nodding off and falling into a cold, deep slumber, and every once in a while coming to to see some idiotic sequence in which they were playing with some kind of dangerous, flying balls. I guess if you're 10 years old, this is exciting. If I had kids, I'd definitely take them to see the HP movies, and buy them the books. But I don't have kids, and the series seems pointless to me as an adult.

Around that time, we also saw "Lord of the Rings" (Part I) and I thoroughly enjoyed it, in fact I bought the entire series on DVD. I enjoyed reading Tolkein's books as a child, and I thought their treatment on the big screen was excellent. True, ol' J.R.R. has been criticized for writing a bloated, grossly simplistic "swords and sorcery" saga, laden with all kinds of meaningless pseudo-mystical claptrap. But visually, the LOTR films were stunning and kept my interest.

-Joe Tangredi

Anonymous said...

In the next Harry Potter book, Harry battles the blind, deaf, dumb, paraplegic Sheikh Omar ul-Hawaqq, and his band of radical, though slightly simple and bumbling Islamic extremists, as they try to cast a demonic spell on the Thames, turning the half of Britain's water supply into canary guano.

Film on BSkyB at 11.